either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
