i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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