so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
