Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
