Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
