I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
