this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
