brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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