i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
