just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Everyone says I win the strip club
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
