You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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