I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
