He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
