Plan B is the new Plan A
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I could fuck to npr.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
