I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
