Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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