Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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