also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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