so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
