Quick, to the slutcave!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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