forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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