I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
