Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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