I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
