she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
