i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
