Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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