I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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