I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
