Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
