He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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