Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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