My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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