look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
