Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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