She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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