Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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