can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
