I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
