My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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