Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
