Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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