i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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