happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
