He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
