For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
