It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
