I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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