Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
