But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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