its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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