i was born a porn star she said
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
