Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am available for nakedness
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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