I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
