11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who died my cat blue again?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
