I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
